One week on…

So I haven’t posted for the past five days. Work is very busy at the moment but it’s an important time at the moment. 

I’ve done five cold approaches on my way home from work in the past five days. I need to up my game but at least I’ve got the first one out of the way. Didn’t ask two sets for numbers and wasn’t given them by the other three. Two minute interactions max. 

This blog is really helping me to understand how I think. It’s making me accountable. It’s allowing me to understand what causes my main problem: avoidance. 

My main issue in set is that I’m very self conscious that I’m nervous. I probably have a need to appear and be perceived as “cool” and a high status guy. But I’m starting to realise that this actually stems from the insecurity that I’m not. Therefore, whenever something threatens my own “cool” image, such as being lost for words or quaking in my shoes during a daygame set, I avoid facing this harsh reality to uphold my own self image. I don’t understand why I do this when I know it’s a skill set which I can learn through oractice; at the moment I’m not going to be any good in set. That doesn’t mean I’m no good. It just means my skill set and behaviour in set is based on inexperience.

I’ve also realised that there’s something I’ve been thinking for the past year or so, but never realised that it might not represent reality. Do these girls work for a competing company? Do they know me within the local corporate scene but I don’t know them? Unlikely. This is something I need to shake off. 

I’ve booked a trip to Stockholm at the end of the month. Partly daygame, partly culture. This will ensure I get more practice in before then. I want to rid myself of being a notably nervous wreck by the time I travel.  

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Day 1 – My first excuse

I did not approach today. My mind is full of weasels.

I’ve solidly come to the conclusion that the only way to get really good with women is to approach. Put your ego on the line; after all, it isn’t actually real. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ve had many, many blowouts in night clubs but it doesn’t seem as painful to me as it might in daygame. 

My anxiety is added to by the fact that there are no distractions. It’s just me and the girl, and until she hooks it’s my responsibility to shoulder the pressure and tension of the interaction. This worries me. 

But like I said, it shouldn’t worry me. Running out of things to say, a harsh rejection, an awkward moment in my life; none of these things are indicative of “me”. They are simply indicative of my mindset, behaviour and skill in talking to hot women in the middle of the day in that one moment. And every step I take to overcome my fear changes this image I may have of myself. So whatever happens doesn’t change me or mean anything about me fundamentally as a person. So the outcome doesn’t matter does it? 

I’ve been on tinder tonight and have been texting a couple of other girls whose numbers I already have. This is making me feel better about myself but ultimately is a massive avoidance weasel. I know this but can’t change it, at least by thinking my way out of it.

I will approach tomorrow. 

Krauser – Player’s Journey

So here I am writing my first blog post, admittedly after reading Nick Krauser’s post here: http://krauserpua.com/2016/01/04/the-players-journey-blog/.

In summary, reading Krauser’s post has made me finally do something I planned on doing for a while but always managed to avoid for one poor reason or the other. So what’s with the change of heart? I’ve realised that I need to start following through on promises to myself. Allow me to explain.

Around two years ago I moved to London to see out a twelve month contract with a company which I was been obsessed about working for throughout university. Before this I lived where I live now in the north and didn’t know anybody in London, so I was pretty intimidated to move down. At the time I’d describe myself as a people pleaser and a nice guy but was always very shy and awkward around new people. I’d been with my girlfriend (the only girl I’d ever slept with) for close to four years. We were very close, had lived together throughout university and, in hindsight, were extremely codependent.

Long story short, I began to earn a bit of money and hang out with my new posh colleagues after work. My background was not the same as theirs and I already had my prejudices of “southerners” from university, who all seemed to “love the bants” and be irrationally entitled. I remember not really liking them to begin with but I knew nobody so felt I had no choice but to put up with their cockiness and “hilarious” stories, which I actually enjoyed after a few beers in Moorgate on a Thursday night. It was that or join city socialiser.

As the weeks and months went by I was drinking a lot as that’s how these guys socialised. I also started smoking cigarettes; something I doubt my friends could imagine me doing a few months prior. Combined with long hours in the office, a flirty and hot house mate who was catching my eye and my girlfriend living 2 hours 30 minutes away, I was beginning to lose interest in her. I saw a different side to the world I thought I knew so well, and it really appealed to me.

I didn’t have the balls to break up with her. One reason was because I genuinely wasnt comfortable talking to new people, let alone hot girls, so thought that I wouldn’t be able to get anybody else. That’s when I googled “dating advice for me”. Daygame.com came up, I started watching Yad’s and Tom’s infields and was hooked. I also saw a video Krauser did with London Real where he said he’d banged 50 girls from daygame. I was sold, but didn’t realise how hard it was going to be.

I cowardly strung my girlfriend along for three months before she told me to get lost, deleted my number and blocked me on Facebook. I definitely broke her heart and still feel terrible about the way I handled it today. But you live and learn.

So there I was in London, no girlfriend, work colleague “friends” who I only really had drinking in common with, but great motivation to game. Shame about the crippling approach anxiety.

I would game a few girls on nights out usually once my filters were completely removed due to drinking too much. This has been my tactic to today, with which I’ve had OK success by my standards. Here’s the current state of affairs:

  • I’m back in my original hometown which has a population of around 300,000;
  • I’m good at chatting to new people after a couple of pints, awkward to begging with when stone cold sober but get into it after a couple of minutes; something I couldn’t have done this time last year;
  • I’ve slept with 7 girls and had 4 other near misses over the past 18 months;
  • I’ve just broken up with a girl I was seeing casually for around 6 months and “exclusively” for around three months.

I put this down to a failure to take action, regularly, whilst sober. It’s frustrating as I’ve has CBT to treat OCD when I was younger and fundamentally understand that, for me at least, exposure to the source of my anxiety will reduce it over time, but I’m just crippled with it on the street.

Now is the time for me to take action. This blog will detail what happens each day I game over the coming months. I think that my academic knowledge of daygame is good – but that’s the point. I “think”. I don’t “know” it’s good.

Only one way to find out.

In my next post I’ll talk about what inner game stuff has helped me reduce my social anxiety before actually taking any action.